I often find myself saying, "I just need to get through today."
"I just need to get through this week."
"Thank goodness the semester is almost over."
This week challenged me in so many ways. I went through many unexpected and highly emotional upheavals, things that made me question myself as a person, as a friend, as a student. This week didn't go at all the way I thought it would. I wanted a break, but it was one obstacle after another.
That's nothing new, but here's where I'm taken aback: I liked this week. In fact, I'd even say it was a good week.
For every emotionally difficult moment for me, I reached out to my closest, most dearest friend on campus here. We ate together, talked together, cried together, processed life together. We encouraged self-care to each other and found ways to manage together.
Today, I said to her, "I'm really excited."
"For now. I'm really excited for this weekend with you, and this IS the weekend, and that's happening right now."
Is this what it means to be engaged and enjoying life?
Because I'm so tired of waiting for the day, for the semester, for the year to be over. Life isn't something for me to enjoy later on when I have time to do so. What does it say about me when I think I don't even have time to enjoy all of the blessings I get every day? It's like I expect life to get better - it's not life that's negative at all; it's my own perspective.
My phone screensaver is a quote: "Wherever you are, be all there."
I've looked at it every time I open my phone, but I want to live it. I want to stop saying "BE ENGAGED" as some sort of inspiring buzzword.
To every person I am with: I am here with you, and I'm grateful for right now. Here I am.
To every activity I'm doing: I've been given time on Earth to do this, and every breath allows me to keep going. I might as well do it well. Here I am.
And of course, to every single moment I'll ever be blessed with: Here I am.